I got married in August to a long time friend. We had never been on a single date or shared a single kiss. But Matt was my closest friend and had been a part of my live for five years. He loves my two girls and they adore him. I always thought I would meet someone and fall madly in love. But that hasn't happened for me. My ex was an abusive jerk that abused me both verbally and physically. The only good that came out of that relationship was our two girls. Matt stepped into my life as I was trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. I don't know if I could have made it without his friendship. But Although we were great friends I was never attracted to him. Still I thought that a marriage based on practical reasons might be the way to go. I was worn down from the hardships of being a single Mom. So I decided to marry Matt. We shared our first kiss at our Wedding, and I felt nothing. I stood in front of the minister on shaking legs with the sure knowledge that I was making a mistake, but like a fool I got married. Matt and I were married a full month before I could make myself have sex with him and than I had to get drunk first. My husband is a touchy feely guy. And every time he touches me I freeze up inside. We had sex several times since the first time but I've been drunk every time. I thought marriage would make my life easier but it hasn't worked out that way. When we got married Matt had a job but he has since than lost his job and he doesn't seem to want to find another one. So I went from supporting two kids to supporting a husband and two kids. This is a sore issue with me. Frankly I know this marriage is doomed to failure and I have no one but myself to blame, but in my defense I thought I was doing the right thing for my kids.