My life up until I was twelve was pretty boring to say the least. I'm the oldest of three children and a fourth generation farm girl. I grew up in a home with a stay at home mother and my Dad who farmed the family farm. At twelve my world changed dramatically when my mother decided to leave my father. Being the oldest I was given a choice of which parent I wanted to live with. I chose my Dad and for a while it was ok. Until one terrible morning that is. I was headed out to feed my steers and I sat in my Dad's lap to pull on a pair of boots. As I sat down my Dad pulled me back and fondled my breast while the other hand fondled my crotch. I was numb with shock at first but I quickly pulled out of the embrace. I had always been closest to my Dad and my entire world was destroyed by his actions. All trust in men died on this terrible day.

Well I see by my last post that I haven't posted to this blog for a while. I'm going to change what I'm doing somewhat with this blog. I'm going to turn it into an online diary. Those of you that choose to read it may want to start looking for therapists now. My life is messed up and always has been. I am still married by the way I haven't got a divorce yet. Things have changed in some regards. My husband finally got a job and he got a good paying job so I'm no longer supporting him. He makes enough to support us without my having to work which is really nice. I'm only working part time at the moment through a temp agency. I lost my job at the nursing home when i was back stabbed by some fellow employees that I considered friends. Not working at least has given me more time to work on my writing and I am currently editing my second book before it gets published. My marriage at this point is really a roommate situation. We don't sleep together or have sex. Which is fine with me as I'm not attracted to my husband. Still my husband as you can imagine is not happy with the way things are. He is actually very attracted to me which is a real bummer. I don't know how long will be able to go on like this. The only time I can stand to be touched by my husband is when I'm to drunk to care. And since I'm not much of a drinker these episodes are few and far between. I know your asking yourself how could anyone get their self into such a mess. Well to answer that I need to start at the beginning and tell you my life story. Which is what future posts will be devoted too.